it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
