Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
