So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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