Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
