Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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