I must be too annoying 4 u.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
