dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
