Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
