We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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