Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
