How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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