there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
