sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He felt like a one man threesome
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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