I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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