kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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