his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
