Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
