Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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