After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
