There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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