At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
