At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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