Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
