Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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