I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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