I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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