I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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