I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize