I murdered the dance floor call the cops
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
