I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're too hungover to prance.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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