I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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