you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize