who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
