i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
