Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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