Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
