in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
