shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
