dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
