Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize