I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
