weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
