HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
