And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
