he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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