? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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