Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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