cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
