Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
