No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
