I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
