one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
