I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
