Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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