Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
