some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
