genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
