We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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