why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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