Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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