I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
