I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
