Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
