In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
