It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
