Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
