you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
