the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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